Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Wedding Wednesday: Choosing Your Wedding Party

Happy Wedding Wednesday, beautiful people! Today I'd like to go over how to go about choosing your wedding party.  For some, this may be the easiest task while for others it could be difficult if you are trying to keep your wedding party a certain count.    Not all weddings are the same, that's the best part! You get to be in control of how things are planned!

For instance, I only had 4 Bridesmaids and my husband had 5 groomsman.  It didn't have to be the perfect numbers on both sides.  So at the wedding, I had one of my silly bridesmaids walk in with two of the guys.  

I felt like she was the best fit to walk with two guys because she's fun, upbeat, and I knew she wouldn't feel awkward with two guys.  

My reasoning for only having 4 girls:  I have more guy friends, and a lot of the girlfriends I have I do love, however, I didn't necessarily want to have too many girls to work with during the wedding planning process.  When I thought about having more girls, I got stressed, so I kept it minimal, but liked having the even number on my side.

My husband, however, had tons of options but he chose his top 5. (Well, one of the guys is one of my best friends so he had him on his side!)  Here are some tips if you are having a difficult time choosing your Bridesmaids/Groomsman:

Think twice before you ask. You can't just ask and then tell them you were kidding.  You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  However, if they opt out, that's a whole different story. I know that's the first thing you are the most excited about when you get engaged and it may be tempting to ask all of your favorite friends to be in your wedding party the minute right away.  But seriously ladies,  breathe a little, take your time.  Sleep on it for a month if you have to.  (I almost asked a fifth girl, but decided it probably wasn't the best idea because she is kind of flakey-- and I didn't want to deal with the stress of counting on her to be at the events and participate.)  Ask yourself: Do you imagine you'll be just as close to this person in five years as you are now?  Because you WILL have photos of them that you'll look back on in the future and you don't want to have any regrets.

If you are in a debate about asking someone to be in your wedding, consider how they'd fit in with the rest of your wedding party. If you don't think they'd be a perfect fit with the rest of your Maids and Men, then leave them off the list.

Let your Wedding Party know what is expected of them.
What sort of a roles do you want your wedding party to play? Give them a realistic list of what you expect. Such as to help address wedding invites, dress shop with you and attend all of the pre-wedding parties? Or will it be enough for them to just show up the day of? If it's the first option, I'd think twice about asking friends and family who live too far or have a difficult schedule to work with. You don't want to stress yourself out and set yourself up for disappointment. 

If you do have friends who live out of town and want to do everything they can to help, send them simpler tasks or have them book the activities for all the upcoming events such as the bridal shower and bachelorette party.

Include your brothers and sisters.(If you have them)
These individuals are going to be in your life whether you like it or not. But, if you come from a big family and you can't possibly include everyone, draw the line at teenagers. Maybe  make the younger ones ushers or have them greet guests and pass out programs. We had my husbands younger brother be an usher, that way he was included in the wedding.

Consider the size of your wedding party.
The average wedding party size is eight – four bridesmaids and four groomsmen. Use that as a guide when you decide. Start choosing those who HAVE to be in your wedding, then go from there.  Just keep this in mind: More isn't always merrier. The more bridesmaids or groomsmen you have, the more people to coordinate with (and more opinions they will have in regards to planning and such) find a flattering tux or dress for, and work around schedules with (can you imagine trying to find a free weekend for a bachelorette party with 12 or more bridesmaids?). We already had enough difficulties getting three girls together (1 lived out of town), I couldn't imagine trying to coordinate with any more than that.

There are plenty of other roles if you can't fit them into your wedding party.  Such as an usher, ceremony reader or candlelighter.

Choose responsible honor attendants.
Choosing your best man and maid of honor may be difficult if you have several close friends or family.  You will want to choose the most reliable as they will be responsible to take on some big wedding planning tasks and to hold on to your expensive rings).  You'll also want to choose friends who are good at providing emotional support, because there just might be a few prewedding meltdowns. (It also helps if they're fun, since they'll be planning the bachelor and bachelorette parties!). 

If your best friend isn't always the most dependable person, it's perfectly okay to have two best men or maids of honor. Pick your unpredictable BFF and another friend you can rely on for the big, important duties.

Don't ask someone just because they asked you.
Just because they asked you to be in their wedding, doesn't mean they need to be in yours.
It's probably best you ask people who you are close to and talk to at least a few times a month.

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  1. Great post--I'm sure it will help all the brides-to-be going through this. I definitely agree with you on taking your time to pick them because I almost asked someone who I'm no longer even friends with.
    Love your wedding posts :)

  2. I love this!! I only did my 2 sister and my future sister in law for mine, and I told the groom he can have who ever he wants!!

  3. this is a really great post with solid advice!

  4. This was a great post! I could have used it at the beginning of my planning that's for sure! Linking up with you too! xxo
    Beardy Heart Beauty

  5. People often think the whole 'pay them back thing' comes into play with wedding parties and I think that's so silly. Just because I was in your wedding, doesn't mean that you are in mine. Not in a bad way, but people grow up, grow apart or just plain stop being friends and that's okay.

    I didn't have any issues with my wedding party, my 2 sisters and my 2 best friends. I didn't want big and neither did my husband. It's funny when people assume you'll as them though, right?

  6. I love the truth behind this post. I feel the same way. I had my longest friend of 25 years as my MOH and the rest were cousins and my closets friend. I ended up with 7 and only originally wanted 5. But I just simply couldn't decide so I had my BFF (Who came from Texas btw) my 3 cousins and 2 sister-in-laws and my BFF whos like a sister to me. I tried really hard not to stress over the big number and since it was all family for the most part, it was great. I've BEEN in a wedding, as the MOH and it was an absolute NIGHTMARE! It's a tough job to be in someones wedding so it truly is important to think about it from all angles! :)

  7. Great suggestions!! We both waited a couple of months after getting engaged to ask our bridal party and, for the most part (haha), they were all great choices. Thanks for linking up!

  8. Great suggestions. I'm way past this point and for my wedding we had a small wedding and small wedding party so I had two girls and at the time it was a no-brainer.

  9. Picking bridesmaids was so much harder than I thought. It was mostly just deciding between two friends and I already have guilt that I made the wrong decision. It mostly comes from me not wanting the other person to feel bad and left out, I'm just hoping she steps up and is a good bridesmaid!


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